I’m a little sad. I’m sad because I realized this evening that one of my dearest friends and I are just not connecting. I’m not sure when this happened, but I think that it must have been recent. I’ve noticed that she and I can’t seem to have a conversation without one of us getting defensive. It was recently compared to oil and water or a married couple who just doesn’t know how to communicate without bickering.
This hurts because my friends really mean the world to me. My first impulsive says to go up and talk to her, to ask her what’s wrong. But I realize that the timing isn’t right. It’s not right because the conversation would no doubt go something like this:
me: Are you mad at me?
friend: Why would I be mad at you?
me: I don’t know, I feel like you may be mad at me and I’m not sure what I did.
friend: we’re fine
But what I would really be thinking is — what do I do now? how do I fix this because there is obviously something wrong, otherwise it wouldn’t be this awkward.
If you know me… like REALLY know me, this kind of situation causes me to retreat. I start to wonder if my presence is wanted or I start to think that by staying away then I won’t escalate the situation – whatever the “situation” is. I makes me second guess my words, my thoughts, my actions. Sometimes it’s just easier to retreat, but she is someone I consider on of my best friends, so I really don’t want to retreat. I guess I just wish I knew how to fix this — I guess I wish that I knew why we’ve suddenly start to speak different languages.