A Toast to Me!

I’m a little sad.  I’m sad because I realized this evening that one of my dearest friends and I are just not connecting.  I’m not sure when this happened, but I think that it must have been recent.  I’ve noticed that she and I can’t seem to have a conversation without one of us getting defensive.  It was recently compared to oil and water or a married couple who just doesn’t know how to communicate without bickering.

This hurts because my friends really mean the world to me.  My first impulsive says to go up and talk to her, to ask her what’s wrong.  But I realize that the timing isn’t right.  It’s not right because the conversation would no doubt go something like this:

me:  Are you mad at me?
friend: Why would I be mad at you?
me: I don’t know, I feel like you may be mad at me and I’m not sure what I did.
friend: we’re fine
me: ok

But what I would really be thinking is — what do I do now?  how do I fix this because there is obviously something wrong, otherwise it wouldn’t be this awkward.

If you know me… like REALLY know me, this kind of situation causes me to retreat.  I start to wonder if my presence is wanted or I start to think that by staying away then I won’t escalate the situation – whatever the “situation” is.  I makes me second guess my words, my thoughts, my actions.  Sometimes it’s just easier to retreat, but she is someone I consider on of my best friends, so I really don’t want to retreat.  I guess I just wish I knew how to fix this –  I guess I wish that I knew why we’ve suddenly start to speak different languages.

General, Reflections friends

So the past few weeks have been hectic to say the least.  I’ve taken on new responsibilities in a time when I’m still trying to find that perfect job and a new roommate.  My head has been spinning with uncertainty and of course, my coping mechanism is to keep myself busy with tasks.  Needless to say, the California Jaycees have benefited from my stress and have acted as my therapy.  The good news is that A LOT of positive things have been accomplished for the organization.  The bad news is that I’m still in a state of limbo trying to land that perfect job and getting my living situation situated.

Less than an hour ago I was sitting at my computer wondering what to do next – do I pack? clean? type? or forget it all and watch tv?  I chose to play of Facebook while I sorted out the next 15 minutes of my life.  Then the text came.  You know, that text that just comes out of the blue, completely unexpected, but OH so VERY needed and welcomed.  And now I am on cloud 9!  This enormous weight of where will I live has been lifted from my shoulders.   I want to thank my friends for gifting me with such a generous and wonderful offer. You have given me one less thing to worry about, you have given me the ability to breathe just a little easier once again and for that I am SOOOOO very grateful.

General friends